It's a holiday season, so here's a booming echo of  some of my past holidays! Happy, jolly, good, joyous whatever you celebrate, and if you're not celebrating anything, may you have happy, jolly, good, joyous days nonetheless!

Holiday Season Rant

 

Okay.

I’m not an innocent party.

Six days a week

I go out to the mailbox

pick up the contents

carry the stuff in –

catalogues.

Scads of catalogues.

 

I dump them on the table,

and then the trouble begins.

I admit it.

I search through them

an awful waste of time

if you think about it

but I do it

because I never know if maybe

something good

something great

something special

or something expensive

I can’t forget expensive

because it’s bound to be expensive

but whatever it is

it might be available

only by catalogue –

that all-important catalogue.

 

Mind you

I’m not saying

I never get anything good from catalogues.

There was that cute butler cast in resin holding a corkscrew,

or the bright red miniature British phone booth for storing CDs

and the Rocky and Bullwinkle sweatshirt I gave my husband one Christmas

but please!

These catalogues end up

sprawling all over

the kitchen table

the island

the counters

the dining room chairs

the piano bench

the end tables

the couch

my desk

the computer keyboard

until I can’t find anything

in the whole house

and I realize

I’m drowning in multiple copies

of the same stupid catalogues –

all selling the same kinds of

pointless idiotic stuff

that nobody really needs

especially me

because if I’m crazy enough

to buy more merchandise

cute

decorative

special

or worst of all

unique

because it's bound to be unique

I still won’t have

even two square inches of space

where I could fit it

because everything

yes, everything 

in my whole house is already covered with

catalogues.

 

 

                        Kate Lydon Varley